Saturday, May 14, 2016

Function Before Fashion: April 23, 2012

I had a slight meltdown on Friday. 

Have you ever seen the episode of Bethany Ever After where she is trying to get the baby toy out of its box? After much ripping/kicking/crying she freaks out and screams "WHY DO THEY MAKE THESE THINGS SO HARD TO OPEN!!!"

This is my life.
I had always heard people say that you should make sure you know how to open and close your baby strollers before you get someplace because you don't want to be stranded somewhere and not be able to get your stroller back into your car. There is an episode of Pregnant in Heels where a NYC mom-to-be has about 8 different strollers, one for every occasion. This may sound a little ridiculous but I see where she is coming from. I needed that many strollers too. Isaac put his foot down and I ended up with two. Back to my story. Rosie Pope (pregnancy concierge and expert on all things baby) does an exercise with this woman where she makes her open and close all the strollers. The woman fails miserably as I sit there snickering at my TV screen. What an idiot. Who can't open and close baby strollers?


I guess half the problem with not being able to open and close them is I decided to buy the cute strollers that matched my outfits instead of the practical ones. Fashion before function right? Wrong. This golden rule does not apply to baby items. I learned that the hard way. Needless to say I have issues opening and closing my strollers. I even had to YouTube how to open my everyday stroller because I couldn't figure it out and Isaac wasn't around to show me for the 5th time.

My first experience with the jogger went a little something like this. I get to the park motivated and ready to run. I needed to hurry up because my window of being productive was slowly closing in on me. I get the jogger out of the trunk and make my first attempt at opening it. Push this, pull that, give a little kick. Nothing. Four more attempts and still nothing. Its hot out, I'm sweating and I can feel the eyes of all the other judgemental moms at Mitch Park burning a hole through my head. 15 failed attempts later I decided to swallow my pride and call Isaac. Surely he can walk me through this...ring ring ring

"Hey what's up?"

"I can't get the jogging stroller open."


By the time I get the thing open I feel like I've already got my workout in for the day and contemplate just turning around and going home. As we are getting off the phone Isaac says...

"You think you can figure out how to close it back up when your done?"

"Of course I can. What do you think I am? Stupid?"


We get done with our run and I'm getting the baby back in the car and ready to tackle the stroller again. Note to new matter how many times you kick it, it's not going to close. Cursing the day I bought this stroller, I call Isaac back...

"Can I call you back I'm in a meeting?"

"Not unless you want to buy me another jogging stroller because I'm about to back this one over with my car."

"Can't figure out how to close it huh?"


Since that awful day at Mitch Park I've mastered opening and closing my strollers. I'm actually a pro at it. I can do it in no time flat. Which is why I had a breakdown last Friday. We get to the park and I'm getting the jogger out of the car and it WILL NOT OPEN. I do all the things I'm supposed to do. Nothing. It will not budge. Where is Rosie Pope when you need her? I kept waiting for Justin Bieber to run out and tell me I was on some version of Punked but for people that aren't famous.I kick it a few more times and am almost ready to give up when some nice jogger decides to help a sister out. So embarrassing. 

To make matters worse I'm halfway around the park (roughly 3 miles) when my tire blows out. My fit of rage must have caused it to give out. Game over. I really enjoyed the rest of my 1.5 mile jog trying to push a stroller on 2 wheels. Uphill. With a 20lb baby. Touche stroller. Touche. 

**UPDATE** Still don't know how to work the strollers. Thankfully my children walk now. 

No comments:

Post a Comment