Tuesday, June 9, 2015


What is going on with this whole dad-bod craze? Has anyone else been hearing about this non-stop in the news  E! News? I first learned of dad-bod from a picture posted online of Leonardo DiCaprio frolicking in a field with what appears to be a super soaker 2000 water gun. My first thought wasn't that his body resembled a "dad." It was that he looks like Jack Nicholson in The Shining sub super soaker 2000 for axe.

Here's Johnny!

A dad-bod by definition is more or less the equivalent of a lazy frat boy. Sure he works out on occasion. Maybe even twice a week! Mexican food for dinner for the third night in a row? Why not? Chicks love that whole maybe I have abs maybe I don't look. Someone with dad-bod isn't particularly overweight but he's not exactly a fitness model. He's somewhere in-between. Let's not forget the fact that he probably doesn't have kids either. Because that would make too much sense, right?

I don't mean to hate on the dad-bod. The truth is I am secretly very jealous of this new specimen. They can eat all the pizza and drink all the beer they want and women still find them irresistible. They don't have to worry about the bags under their eyes from lack of sleep. That extra layer of skin around my midsection? It's not from overindulging in the chicken wings but in fact from growing two human beings. No amount of pulsing in Barre class to the point of puking is going to make those stretch marks go away! Mom-bod. If you were one of the lucky mommies to make it through your pregnancy without any battle scars, kudos. You probably didn't eat the equivalent of your body weight in peanut M&Ms while you were pregnant.

What are some other signs you may have mom-bod? It could be the black eye you are sporting from your kid shooting you in the face with his bow & arrow. Isaac thought this hand crafted bow and arrow set would make a great purchase from the local arts festival. He didn't realize at the time that Levi would have the aim of Katniss and I would be the first tribute to be sacrificed in the hunger games that is my life.

Or maybe its the bruise in the shape of a 2 year olds mouth covering your outer thigh that defines your mom-bod. In hindsight I never should have forced him to sit in his seat at breakfast and eat that waffle. If I had known it would send him into a fit of rage and cause him to bite my leg off I never would have done it.

Mom-bod doesn't always have to be defined by your physical body. It can be displayed by your clothes as well. Like those really cute Rag and Bone skinny jeans you just bought that are now covered in today's lunch. Or the white linen oxford you thought would make a great travel shirt because it's light and breezy and would be comfortable on the plane. It is no longer white. Levi decided to color with red marker all over the sleeve during takeoff while I was reading OK magazine playing with his brother. Traveling with kids sucks yawl. And as much as I would love to break out the new Giuseppe Zanottis I rewarded myself with a few months back, they have gone to die with all the other cute shoes in my closet as my daily mom uniform only includes New Balances.

So to all you men out there rocking a dad-bod...congratulations. You win. Enjoy your pizza and beer. I will only be enjoying those things in my dreams as I am trying to stick to an unrealistic amount of calories consumed per day.

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