Saturday, May 14, 2016

A Moment of Master Cleanse: May 30, 2012

So it's been a hot minuet since I updated the blog. I knew this would happen. I've been using all my creative energy trying to figure out what to feed my kid that he won't throw on the floor to the dogs. I've also been using that creative energy trying to get him to sleep through the night. He was doing great for a little while and now he's pulling this trick where he gets up at 3:00, 3:45, 4:30 and then for good at 6:00. My solution was this...

"Don't make me come in there!!!"
Unfortunately for me he thought this was hysterical and stayed awake for another hour. I remember telling myself the first few nights after Levi was born how things were going to get better and that a year from now I wouldn't have to be up at all hours of the night trying to get him back to sleep. That's funny. Levi will turn one on June 22nd and the light at the end of the tunnel isn't shining so bright. By the time I figure out the magic of getting him to sleep through the night I'll probably have another baby to deal with. 

Since I last updated the blog things have been pretty busy. My dad came to visit from NY, my sister-in-law got married, I finally learned how to curl my hair with a flat iron. Good times. Also, back in January Isaac and a couple friends decided to see who could lose the most weight by Memorial Day weekend. A weight loss challenge if you will. Isaac exercises every day and is very athletic. I get my exercise skimming the pages of SELF magazine and cutting out pictures of abs that I want. Anyways, he took the challenge very seriously and even ran his first half marathon at the end of April. The week before weigh ins he decided he wasn't happy with his weight loss results and I suggested trying the Master Cleanse. I may not know much about weight lifting or squats to shed the lbs but I am very knowledgeable on the subject of celebrity weight loss secrets and Gweneth Paltrow told me the Master Cleanse works like a charm. The Master Cleanse is also called The Lemonade Diet. You basically squeeze fresh lemons into water, add a little maple syrup and cayenne pepper and drink this potion for a couple weeks. We decided to give it a go. Monday morning I was sending Isaac off to work with his bag of lemons hidden in a black reusable grocery bag. By about 11:00 these were some texts I was getting. 

I was a little more concerned about getting my hands on that green Bentley driving in front of me. Anyways. I didn't hear much from Isaac the rest of the day so I figured things were going fine. By the time he got home from work he went straight for the pantry and immediately ripped into a bag of flaming hot Cheetos shredding the bag like the incredible hulk shreds his shirts. I was just waiting for him to turn green. He gave me a look like "thanks for trying to murder me today." I guess going without food for a few hours really had a negative effect on his mood. 

And that was the end of the master cleanse. 

Now I just have to figure out what to do with the 4000 lemons Isaac bought. 

"I'll eat em."
**UPDATE** Jeb ate one too many lemons and had trouble controlling his bladder on the carpet. He now lives on a farm in Nebraska. 

No comments:

Post a Comment